I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
