My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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