Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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