This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
