Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
