the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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