I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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