i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
