i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
