I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
