This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
