I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
