Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
