i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
