So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
