a search helicopter?!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
