that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
