So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
