Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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