Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
