those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
