probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
