I feel like abortions should bother me more
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
