Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
