2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
