does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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