a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
