WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
