Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
