we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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