You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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