Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
