so that wasnt chicken after all
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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