Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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