I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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