I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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