so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
