Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
