My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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