Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
