We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A+ Viking dick
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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