is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
