Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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