oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
