does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
