You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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