I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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