best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
