I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
