i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
