Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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