The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
