You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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