She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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