where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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